Julia Schafer Therapy
By Julia Schafer - August 11, 2025

Good Grief! – Responses to Loss & How to Cope

Good Grief! – Responses to Loss & How to Cope
Grief is a powerful set of emotions that arise in response to a significant loss. While commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can stem from various life-altering events such as job loss, divorce, serious illness, or major lifestyle changes.
Normal Grief vs. Complicated Grief:
Normal grief and complicated grief are differentiated by their intensity, duration, and impact on daily functioning. Normal grief is a natural response to significant loss, encompassing emotions like sadness, anxiety, and anger. Over time, these emotions diminish, and individuals gradually establish a “new normal” within weeks or months.

On the other hand, complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief disorder, is characterized by persistent and intense emotions that endure for an extended period. Complicated grief significantly impairs daily life, disrupting relationships and making it challenging to engage in once-enjoyed activities. Individuals experiencing complicated grief may find traditional forms of support less effective, often requiring counseling or therapy to address the persistent and intense nature of their symptoms.

The Dual-Process Model of Grief:
The dual-process model, proposed by Stroebe and Schut (1999), describes how grief is an active process that requires us to feel the pain of our loss, and yet also engage in a new process of relearning how to live again. When we’re in the “loss-oriented phase”, we focus intensely on the pain of the past and might resist change necessary for us to move forward. In the “restoration phase”, we focus intensely on the future and try to build a different life. Striking a balance between these two orientations is important for a healthier grieving process, as an extreme focus on either phase after a loss may hinder the journey towards both healing and adaptation. If you find yourself immersed in one phase for an extended period and your grief persists, consider engaging in activities that facilitate a shift towards a different focus.
The Dual-Process Model of Grief:
Transitioning from Restoration to Loss-Oriented Phase:
  • Acknowledge Emotions: Set aside time to reflect on memories of the loved one, allowing yourself to feel and express sadness, grief, or any other emotions.
  • Facilitate Emotional Expression: Participate in activities like art therapy, music, or any creative outlet that allows you to express your emotions.
  • Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support. Joining a grief support group or attending therapy sessions can also offer a safe space to share feelings and experiences.
Transitioning from Loss-Oriented to Restoration Phase:
  • Embrace Change: Start by making small decisions, such as rearranging your living space or trying a new hobby, to signal a shift toward adapting to a changed life.
  • Focus on the Future: Plan an activity or event that brings a sense of joy and anticipation.
  • Connect Socially: Attend a social gathering or join a club to meet new people, fostering a sense of community and redirecting your focus from the past to the present and future.

Grief doesn’t follow a set schedule, and it’s not a straightforward journey. Sometimes it feels like a lot to handle, and other times it’s more manageable. Grief can be expected, but it can also surprise us. When we go through a big loss, it affects everything about us, and dealing with it takes a lot of effort. While going through tough times and trying to rebuild, it helps to recognize our feelings, get support from others, and be open to change. Healing is a personal process, bringing hope, growth, and the strength to create a new normal after life’s unavoidable losses.

References:
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046
Julia Schafer, MSW, SWC
Julia Schafer, MSW, SWC
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an author when I grew up. The characters I encountered in books deeply resonated with me because of how they could conquer challenges and experience personal victories. As I got older, I found that my connection with storytelling extended beyond the realm of fiction. It manifested itself through my genuine interest in listening to individuals as they shared their own narratives of real-life struggles and triumphs with me. Motivated by this passion for understanding and supporting others, I embarked on the path towards a career in counseling.
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